My Saturday Night

5/3/98:

This story probably has way too many names, but I find it funny.

So at work there is this divorced contingent of women whom I teach with. They're good people, I love 'um to death, but it's weird how they've all become divorced in the last year or so. Julie gave her husband the boot, bought a house, and set up a new life all in the last month or two. So she shows up in my class on Friday and sez you have to go out with us Saturday night. Why? Well Julie's friends have "forced" her to date this guy some of them know -- Bob. And she really doesn't want to go, but she has to (I'm not sure why she has to, but this being a real-life story it doesn't have to make sense). So I need to be there to be the "safe male friend" Or as I like to call my role "the dateless wonder." Keep in mind she's explaining all this to me two minutes before I gotta teach a classroom of sophomores... So of course I agree, but it gets more complex. Judy (another recently divorced teacher) is also going with her boyfriend and so is Vic -- head of the counseling department. So now, all of a sudden, the age group has gone way up. I'm estimating the average age of the group at 35. And me: a 26 year old, first year teacher.

Huh.

So we pile into Vic's mini-van and head off to Dave and Buster's, which if you haven't been, is an Arcade/Restaurant for adults. Now Julie attaches herself to Judy for moral support and John and Vic are old friends, so who do I get to talk to? Bob, of course. I keep wanting to scream "Hey, I'm not the one who agreed to date this dude, why am I having the 'first date' conversation with him?" But for some reason I do.
And I feel for the guy.

Every time he wanders away, Julie and Judy start talking about him in a pretty unflattering manner. "He's the reincarnation of my ex-husband." "God he's so cocky." "If he mentions he went to West Point one more time..." They even have code phrases worked up so that they can talk about him while he's present. "Hey Judy, did we finish that 35 question test we were working on?" "No I don't think we did" -- means he's not as bad as you think, give him a chance. "Um, maybe, I can't remember" -- means the jury's still out. "Yes, it's finished" -- means you were right, he's a jerk. And John, Vic, and I have to try not to giggle when we hear these "codes." Man, what a nightmare for this guy.

So we drinks some beers, eat some food, play some video games and I keep thinking "I've been out with girls and their friends and I've suspected they were talking about me, but I never new it was this bad." And my other thought? Well, at least I'm hobnobbing with some of the higher-ups in the school and that (as corporate ladder-climbing as that sounds) is only a good thing.

Ah hell, at least I wasn't home watching "Profiler,"
jik





This story has the world's greatest post script:

Julie agreed to date Bob again and, after some late-night phone calls and long talks, she and Bob have been happily dating ever since.








And a much worse post-post script:

Julie and Bob broke up after a year.